My eyes are still blurry from sleep and my body is not yet fully awake as i sit here on a leather couch, typing away on this tiny netbook. I can see a reflection of myself in the screen and i look pretty awful, my hair is a mess, the 2 spot on my forehead are still pissing me off and i look like i just crawled out of bed, which of course is the truth... but that doesn't mean i want to look like it.
Today I have to face another 10 hour or so coach ride back to Scotland, which would not be so bad, except for the fact i've nothing to play music on and the book i have to read i don't hold much faith in. If only i were able to feel comfortable falling asleep in 'public', it would make the day pass hours at a time. No, i doubt anything is going to help aleviate the boredom i will feel today.
This past week has been very relaxing, it's been just what i've needed. There's been nothing exciting gone on, i've just spent a week with my family, watching tv, browsing the net and taking part in everyday activities. It's not been like a holiday at all, more like fitting into another life, if only for a week. I'm thankfull for having been able to get time off of work at such short notice to be able to do this. I'm much less stressed, i'm less tired and less wound up than before, these being fantastic benefits i must say the main benefit lies in the fact it's bought payday ever closer without me incurring any type of expenses.
Well, for the next week i'll be working solidly, this is generally what happens when you use days off as well as holiday days as to not use up all of the latter. That's fine, in fact it's good! More time at work is less time spending cash, less time being bored at home when your flat is still a little empty until pay day and less time thinking about shit you don't want to think about!!
I'm becoming convinced there is a bird stuck in the chimney breast here, every so often i hear some weird noises come from it then a pecking sound as if it's trying to get out... I might investigate!
Right, it's time to go get a shower, else i shall be sat sweaty stinking out the people unfortunate enough to sit anywhere close to me.
A life without the internet again... at least it's only for a few days -- when i get paid it is the first thing i'm sorting out, so i'll have it back in the first few days of march :)
Until then, i'll be using the library computers when i can be arsed.
Ciao for now
Monday 22 February 2010
Sunday 21 February 2010
The days have already strarted rolling into weeks and soon will become months... It's been 3 weeks since my break up and by far the longest time i've been without contact from simmons since i met him. It's challenging, though the temptation to contact him for any reason has been dulled by the £200 fine and threat of imprisonment my last 'contact' with him yielded. Coupled with the idea that i know us being apart is for the best, there is no reason to contact him, besides some of my belongings which he still clings on to, but they will need to wait.
I can only say as time goes on i'm feeling better and better around the whole situation, the anger subsides, the regrets disapate and all that's left is an optimistic hope / outlook on the future. Regardless of some of the horrible situations of the past few months and most likely because of these things, i feel i've learnt many lessons, like i have grown and that i'm in a better situation now than i've ever been.
Everything in my life is now much less certain than before. My job is likely to remain unchanged, and chances are i'll still be living in Dundee a year down the line but how my life will be, is uncertain, before i could have said the kind of home life i'd have a year down the line with quite some confidence that i'd be right and now i have no idea. Will i slip into going out on a regular basis drinking? Will i decide to spend my time away from work just sitting on a pc? Are there other possibilities which i can't be arsed to type out? Deffinatly. I'm actually excited to see where i'll be 6 months or even a year down the line.
I'm not sure really what purpose this blog serves, i guess i'm just a little bored and this takes up some time. Back to work on tuesday... oh the joys.
I can only say as time goes on i'm feeling better and better around the whole situation, the anger subsides, the regrets disapate and all that's left is an optimistic hope / outlook on the future. Regardless of some of the horrible situations of the past few months and most likely because of these things, i feel i've learnt many lessons, like i have grown and that i'm in a better situation now than i've ever been.
Everything in my life is now much less certain than before. My job is likely to remain unchanged, and chances are i'll still be living in Dundee a year down the line but how my life will be, is uncertain, before i could have said the kind of home life i'd have a year down the line with quite some confidence that i'd be right and now i have no idea. Will i slip into going out on a regular basis drinking? Will i decide to spend my time away from work just sitting on a pc? Are there other possibilities which i can't be arsed to type out? Deffinatly. I'm actually excited to see where i'll be 6 months or even a year down the line.
I'm not sure really what purpose this blog serves, i guess i'm just a little bored and this takes up some time. Back to work on tuesday... oh the joys.
Thursday 11 February 2010
A jeremy kyle relationship comes to an end :)
I've been trying to sit down to blog for a while now, there's plenty been going on and even when the oppertunity has presented itself i've not really been in the mood to do so.
Right now i'm sat in the library, probably not the best place to sit typing at full speed for any length of time, i'm sure people will be getting slightly annoyed, as would i. Oh well, with my headphones in, listening to a selection of Creed, R.E.M, Queen and Dragonforce i can barely hear the typing, so it's not unreasonable to expect they do the same albeit with bands showing less musical taste than the ones i have selected.
My life has been crazy since the New Year, with this new year has came several new me's and hopefully i've settled on one now.
Me and simmons were going through some really hard times, the lazy shit did nothing, i'd work all day, he'd not bother to spend 5 minutes cleaning, i'd come back and make dinner, i'd use my off days to clean the place after he allowed it to become a pig stye. He'd never bother going into Uni, he'd never go out, he was simply a hermit. I guess the 'honeymoon' period of living together had worn off and we both took each other for granted.
Well, a few things happened and events culminated the first time in me being locked out from my flat, with work the next day i needed things from the flat and told simmons through the letter box if he didn't let me in, i'd smash the window... no reply and so that's exactly what i did. I first launched a wheelie bin at the window, which didn't have the effect i was hoping it would and so then i stupidly put my elbow through it, slashing my arm which later needed 5 stitches and securing me a 3 night holiday to the local police hotel.
On getting out from the cells, my first stop was to go see simmons, he was extremely cold and nasty toward me, which i half understood.. anyway, i went to stay with a friend as opposed to with simmons, stuff happened there but 2 weeks later, after several phone calls of simmons crying, several times him asking to speak, after him telling me he'd self harmed, and after seeing on his pc that he'd looked up 'painless ways to commit suicide' i decided to give it another go with simmons.
Big mistake...
As if i didn't know that it was at the time... i certainly knew it just a few days later.
So we went on holiday with my father and his partner, and her daughter and her fiance... the latter two being lying, lower class assholes who are about as intelligent as i would be, if completely drunk and half passed out with a heroine needle in my arm. Simmons and I were getting along ok to begin with, but there was a little animosity there between us both, he was quite happy to make very bitchy remarks and comments toward me and mostly i was happy enough to retort. Problem is, my retorts were much more obvious than his initial comments and people turned on me.
Anyway, long story short, i went to bed one night early because of the way i felt i was being treated, simmons joined a while after, he woke me up accidently and i told him to leave the room, which he did. Later that night i woke up again and went to go speak to him, see if we could sort stuff out... anyway, i pulled on his shirt to wake him and suddenly this became me dragging him around by his neck according to the two lower class liars i already mentioned and anyway, this led to me spending my birthday in a cell.
Since that time i've gotten myself a flat, been drunk more times than i care to remember and am now settling back into the swing of things.
I feel slightly annoyed me and simmons couldn't put our bitchy comments aside that weekend, but in all honesty, far too much had already happened for us to continue being together anyway and certainly now, i wouldn't think about being with him for a second.
Anyway, just a quick update :)
Right now i'm sat in the library, probably not the best place to sit typing at full speed for any length of time, i'm sure people will be getting slightly annoyed, as would i. Oh well, with my headphones in, listening to a selection of Creed, R.E.M, Queen and Dragonforce i can barely hear the typing, so it's not unreasonable to expect they do the same albeit with bands showing less musical taste than the ones i have selected.
My life has been crazy since the New Year, with this new year has came several new me's and hopefully i've settled on one now.
Me and simmons were going through some really hard times, the lazy shit did nothing, i'd work all day, he'd not bother to spend 5 minutes cleaning, i'd come back and make dinner, i'd use my off days to clean the place after he allowed it to become a pig stye. He'd never bother going into Uni, he'd never go out, he was simply a hermit. I guess the 'honeymoon' period of living together had worn off and we both took each other for granted.
Well, a few things happened and events culminated the first time in me being locked out from my flat, with work the next day i needed things from the flat and told simmons through the letter box if he didn't let me in, i'd smash the window... no reply and so that's exactly what i did. I first launched a wheelie bin at the window, which didn't have the effect i was hoping it would and so then i stupidly put my elbow through it, slashing my arm which later needed 5 stitches and securing me a 3 night holiday to the local police hotel.
On getting out from the cells, my first stop was to go see simmons, he was extremely cold and nasty toward me, which i half understood.. anyway, i went to stay with a friend as opposed to with simmons, stuff happened there but 2 weeks later, after several phone calls of simmons crying, several times him asking to speak, after him telling me he'd self harmed, and after seeing on his pc that he'd looked up 'painless ways to commit suicide' i decided to give it another go with simmons.
Big mistake...
As if i didn't know that it was at the time... i certainly knew it just a few days later.
So we went on holiday with my father and his partner, and her daughter and her fiance... the latter two being lying, lower class assholes who are about as intelligent as i would be, if completely drunk and half passed out with a heroine needle in my arm. Simmons and I were getting along ok to begin with, but there was a little animosity there between us both, he was quite happy to make very bitchy remarks and comments toward me and mostly i was happy enough to retort. Problem is, my retorts were much more obvious than his initial comments and people turned on me.
Anyway, long story short, i went to bed one night early because of the way i felt i was being treated, simmons joined a while after, he woke me up accidently and i told him to leave the room, which he did. Later that night i woke up again and went to go speak to him, see if we could sort stuff out... anyway, i pulled on his shirt to wake him and suddenly this became me dragging him around by his neck according to the two lower class liars i already mentioned and anyway, this led to me spending my birthday in a cell.
Since that time i've gotten myself a flat, been drunk more times than i care to remember and am now settling back into the swing of things.
I feel slightly annoyed me and simmons couldn't put our bitchy comments aside that weekend, but in all honesty, far too much had already happened for us to continue being together anyway and certainly now, i wouldn't think about being with him for a second.
Anyway, just a quick update :)
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